all right, folks. i’ve perused multiple nouwen books, and come up with two passages i want to share. i think they both correspond to the question i asked in a previous post about mary oliver’s poem. the words and the passages i quote here are my response to the mary olivers in the world, and my response to the part of me that feels unwelcome.
again, here is the poem (and, yes, i keep reposting this poem because i think her voice is NOT HEARD enough in this world by Christians. so, listen!):
in the afternoons,
in the almost empty fields,
i hum the hymns
i used to sing
in church.
they could not tame me,
so they would not keep me,
alas,
and how that feels,
the weight of it,
i will not tell
any of you,
not ever.
still, as they promised,
God, once he is in your heart,
is everywhere –
so even here
among the weeds
and the brisk trees.
how long does it take
to hum a hymn? strolling
one or two acres
of the sweetness
of the world,
not counting
a lapse, now and again,
of sheer emptiness.
once a deer
stood quietly at my side.
and sometimes the wind
has touched my cheek
like a spirit.
am i lonely?
the beautiful, striped sparrow,
serenely, on the tallest weed in his kingdom,
also sings without words.
why do people decide who is not welcome in the community of God? and, yes, i include paul as a person here. the Church hurts too many people.
the past few days, i’ve been reading henri nouwen, again. he became a beloved writer of mine in 2001, when a preacher mentioned from the pulpit that he had been a Christian, a priest, one of the foremost Christian writers of the 20th century, and a gay man. i was hooked. i wanted to know more. so, i read. the first book i picked up was “life of the beloved”. here is an excerpt i have read over and over since reading the book:
“We are the Beloved. We are intimately loved long before our parents, teachers, spouses, children and friends loved or wounded us. That’s the truth of our lives. That’s the truth I want you to claim for yourself. That’s the truth spoken by the voice that says, ‘You are my Beloved.’ Listening to that voice with great inner attentiveness, I hear at my center [God’s] words that say: ‘I have called you by name, from the very beginning. You are mine and I am yours. You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests. I have molded you in the depths of the earth and knitted you together in your mother’s womb. I have carved you in the palms of my hands and hidden you in the shadow of my embrace. I look at you with infinite tenderness and care for you with a care more intimate than that of a mother for her child. I have counted every hair on your head and guided you at every step. Wherever you go, I go with you, and wherever you rest, I keep watch. I will give you food that will satisfy all your hunger and drink that will quench all your thirst. I will not hide my face from you. You know me as your own as I know you as my own. You belong to me. I am your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, your lover and your spouse…yes, even your child . . . wherever you are I will be. Nothing will ever separate us. We are one.’”
the second excerpt is from a book called “the inner voice of love”. this book is actually his personal and secret journal written during a 6 month period of mental and spiritual anguish, during which he was dealing with his homosexuality, among other things. here it is:
Know That You are Welcome:
not being welcome is your greatest fear. it connects with your birth fear, your fear of not being welcome in this life, and your death fear, your fear of not being welcome in the life after this. it is the deep-seated fear that it would have been better if you had not lived.
here you are facing the core of the spiritual battle. are you going to give in to the forces of darkness that say you are not welcome in this life, or can you trust the voice of the One who came not to condemn you but to set you free from fear? you have to choose for life. at every moment you have to decide to trust the voice that says, “i love you. i knit you together in your mother’s womb” (psalm 139:13).
everything Jesus is saying to you can be summarized in the words “Know that you are welcome.” Jesus offers you his own intimate life with the Father. he wants you to know all he knows and to do all he does. he wants his home to be yours. yes, he wants to prepare a place for you in his Father’s house.
keep reminding yourself that the feelings of being unwelcome do not come from God and do not tell the truth. the prince of darkness wants you to believe that your life is a mistake and that there is no home for you. but every time you allow these thoughts to affect you, you set out on the road to self-destruction. so you have to keep unmasking the lie and think, speak, and act according to the truth that YOU ARE VERY, VERY WELCOME.
so, listen to the mary olivers of the world. and consider these words, and, therefore, your responses to them carefully.
man, i wanted a witty title. 